Friday, December 11, 2009

Someday Humorous

This is one of those stories that wasn't funny at the time, but will someday be humorous, and probably very entertaining for you. Like I said in my previous post, I'm sick with a cold and have been trying to get some rest, but not having much luck. I mentioned in a comment about being able to tell that the entire house reeked, despite being able to barely smell at all with this cold. I searched high and low for the source of the stench, then lifted the dog's tail to find an entire bowel movement frozen to the fur on his butt.

I had to take him outside in a snowstorm and shave it off, because this was something that wouldn't come out in a bath. This Shelty does not like having his rear end shaved, so we had quite a wrestling match. I looked up and saw that my nosy neighbors had pointed their blinds in my direction, probably so they could watch the show.

I was wearing a cap on my head, and each time I bent over, my hair fell forward and the cap popped off my head into the snow. I'd pick up and pull it down further on my head. The next time it popped off, I decided I'd leave it on the ground, but then my dog sat on it while he still had a dirty butt. I took my chances and put it back on my head. However, then it popped off and landed right in the pile of dog poop that I had just shaved off Monty's butt. I quickly picked up the cap and threw it behind me where it couldn't be anywhere near the poop again.

Once done with that disgusting task, I had to sterilize the clippers and made a note to throw out the blade before trimming any horse's bridle path. I put the clippers away and realized that my head was cold. I needed to find my cap again and get it washed so I can continue to wear it. I looked around behind where I had been working, and couldn't find it anywhere on the ground. I climbed up onto the haystack, but it wasn't up there. I looked under the tarp just in case by some freak accident it landed under there. Nothing.

As I was wandering around digging through things in search of my cap, I could feel my nosy neighbors watching me from their house. I figured they probably saw where my cap landed when I threw it, but they weren't going to tell. They were probably having too much fun watching my hunt.

I started thinking, of all the inconvenient places it could have landed, what would be the worst? You see, once one bad thing happens to me, it's all downhill from there, so I figured I was in another one of my unlucky phases. I decided the roof of the house was the worst, because it would mean having to climb an icy ladder. I looked along the eaves, but my cap wasn't there. I had given up and decided I'd find it in the spring thaw, when I turned around to close the door and saw it on the roof of my horse trailer! Here's the spot of broken snow from where I used a broom to get it down:

I couldn't figure out how it could have landed up there, because I clearly threw the cap behind me, not next to me, and not that high. I went inside the house, removed my coat, gloves, and snow boots, and climbed into bed with the full intention of not letting anything else get in the way of my rest. Right then I heard a loud CRAAAAACK!

I knew something was wrong, but I really, really, really didn't want to have to deal with anymore problems. I was so tired and my head was pounding, but my intuition told me I had to get up to investigate or something worse would happen. I looked outside and saw this:

I started crying. I had just repaired that fence yesterday. Then both Bombay and Gabbrielle started chewing on the loose end that had rusty nails pointing out. I ran in my sock-covered feet and pajamas to the sliding glass door and pounded on it as hard as I could screaming, "GET OFF THE FENCE!!!"

The horses ignored me. So, I threw open the door and screamed, "GET OFF THE FENCE! I JUST WANT TEN SECONDS WITHOUT ANYMORE PROBLEMS!"

I looked up and saw my nosy neighbor standing near the fence staring at me, of course. I slammed the door in his face and ran to get my coat, gloves and snow boots. By the time I got back to the door, Gabbrielle was sniffing the rusty nails, and BONK cut her nose on one, which sent her running.

I ran outside with my hammer and pounded the nails down flat since I couldn't pry them out of the wood. My nosy neighbor pretended to be doing woodwork with his power tools in the snow, but was really just investigating what was going on at my place. Bombay was really upset about the broken fence. He hid in a corner at first because he didn't want to get into trouble, and then he got angry and ran around bucking with his ears pinned back.

I admit I did blame him at first since he's always chewing the fence, but now I'm pretty sure this was Gabbrielle's doing, because she keeps rubbing herself with all her weight on that particular fence panel. Over the years she has bent it into a pretty deep curve until it finally snapped. I just don't know why it had to happen on one of the coldest days of the year while I'm sick. Now my throat is even more sore from all my screaming and I think I bruised my knuckles from knocking so hard on the glass. Sorry fernvalley01 -- I know you wanted me to tell you something good, but it's been one of those days.

Oh yeah, and once I went into the house and stayed inside for a good five minutes, my nosy neighbor returned to his house too. I guess he didn't need to do that woodwork after all. Wouldn't it have been nice if he came over here and helped me repair my fence instead of just staring? I used go over to my friend's place and repair her fences without her knowing it back when I was boarding Bombay there. I figured Bombay was probably responsible for the majority of damage, so my husband and I just fixed everything we saw that was broken.


Breathe said...

Holy cow. That is insane, NM.

Dan and Betty Cooksey said...

Man, that's tough. We have horse pipe fencing so we don't have to worry about broken rails. However, my gelding will tear anything else up.

Keep trying to get some rest. Your horses need you to be well.


CheekyMare said...

I'm so sorry for your...(pardon the pun)shitty day. LMAO but if it makes your feel ANY better. You gave me a belly shakin' few minutes of a laugh. Mostly, because I could see that happening to me. ROFL

You are right, it will be funny later. Glad you wrote it down while it was still fresh.

fernvalley01 said...

Aw Nuzz Muzz , just... hugs what a rotten day . You did tell me something good ,you know.You let me know you were over to my place ,that's always nice.

Fantastyk Voyager said...

Awwww, poor NM! On a lighter note, I love the up and down design of the wood you use. ;) lol!
Is Gabbrielle current on her Tetanus shots? You certainly don't want that next!

Reddunappy said...

Ahh geez, what a day! makes you want to get rid of all the critter sometimes LOL but not really, we would be lost without them. Hang in there I hope you feel better soon!
And darn it all you critters behave!

KD said...

Man oh man ! What a day! We replaced our wooden fence with metal panels because we got tired of replacing broken boards.

Hope you feel better soon....

Andrea said...

Oh girl, your neighbor must have been in the holiday spirit...cough cough!! My goodness, I couldn't have hurt him to walk over and help! I am so sorry you live next to such dorks!!

And girl, I can't believe I have missed 21 posts!! Oh my goodness! What kind of blogger friend am I? I promise to be better!! I have missed hearing your tales of Bombay and your Crazy neighbors!!

Callie said...

I feel like I've just had one of those week too, minus thwnosy wierd neighbors. Like I said before, I have never known anyone to have more oddball strainge neighbors on my life! Hope you feel better soon!

Cheryl Ann said...

And I thought MY day was bad! You get the award. That just sucks.

Mikey said...

I'm sorry, but I laughed out loud twice during this post. Doesn't that just friggin figure?? lol, LOVE the part where you're shaving the dogs butt, hat falls in the poop. That's CLASSIC!!
Yep, you're just having one of those days. Now I think your neighbors just come outside to watch what in the heck you're going to do next. I can just hear them now... "Ethel, come look. I SWEAR she's shaving her dog's butt. Is she going to shave the whole dog? You know it's too cold...." and so on and so on.
You will laugh. When you feel better :)
You gave me a laugh!!
PS- when I have a day like that, I go to bed, put the pillow over my head and I pray the whole place doesn't fall apart while I do it.

Nuzzling Muzzles said...

So, this is something Mikey can relate to... I woke up this morning feeling worse than ever, praying that I'll be on the mend once I make it through this, I'm trying to muster up the energy to pour myself a bowl of cereal. It takes all my strength to do it. No sooner do I bring the spoon up to my mouth, and my dog walks into the room and vomits at my feet. I'm thinking, "Shouldn't I be the one who's vomiting? I'm the one who is sick, after all."

But no, I ended up being the one getting down on my hands and knees to scrub the dog vomit out of the carpet. This dog is like clockwork. For some reason he gets sick EVERY TIME I get sick or am on vacation, because I spend all my time off scrubbing the carpet.

After that I decided I'm going to just lie on the couch and watch TV all day, and the satellite went out. No TV. I was waiting for the boys to wake up to get the horses out of their stalls, but they would't wake up, so I had to go out there to get the horses out and give them their breakfast. Though the sun was out when I stepped outside, by the time I got the first horse out, it was snowing. I really do have a dark cloud over me.

I came inside freezing and did everything I could to get warm. I picked up a glass of ice water to take a sip, and spilled it down the front of me. Why can't I ever spill water on myself on a hot summer day? It only happens when I'm trying to keep warm because I have a cold on one of the coldest days of the year. I think I could have qualified to be one of the Three Stooges.

Stephanie said...

OH boy... What a day :( I really hope you are feeling better and have no more frozen poop stuck to dog behinds or broken fence boards for a long while.

Your neighbors are such jerks (but you knew that already!!!)

Katharine Swan said...

Wow. Next time you ought to say to your neighbor, "Hey, do you mind fixing this for me? It'll give you an even better vantage point for spying on me!"

I hope you start feeling better soon, I really do!

Once Upon an Equine said...

Oh goodness, yes your post was pretty funny until the fence broke and then I felt really badly for you, being sick and needing some rest and Murphy's Law in full swing at your place. Having dealt with "kling-ons" stuck to doggy behinds before, I can laugh WITH you on that one. The things we go through for our beloved pets. Crazy that your hat flew up onto your trailer. Hope you are feeling better.

Janice said...

Oh boy. Don't tell anymore, I don't think I can handle it. I'm sorry you don't feel well. Those neighbors of yours sound like real winners. I have to admit I laughed at your expense about the dog butt thing. In my defense it is kinda your made it so descriptive one can't help but chuckle. Feel better soon.

Laughing Orca Ranch said...

Oooh! I've had days like that, too. But for you it seems like a daily occurrence. It's so funny that it's just so sad. gah!

If I were you, I'd probably throw my hands up in the air and ask to be picked up and driven to the closest mental hospital to be treated for a mental break-down. A nice 3-5 day vacation locked up in a small room where I could do nothing but rest and sleep....ahhh, after what you go through every day.....noone would hold it against you! lol!


Shirley said...

You sure do get things all in a heap don't you! I hope your cold goes away soon. One thing you might want to consider to save your fences from equine beavers is to get a solar fencer and run one strand along the fence line; it works wonders and teaches them to stay off the fence- no nibbling, no pushing, and no fighting/playing over the fence. I use it if I have to have Beamer right across the fence from mares, and to teach the youngsters not to push on the fence for that "greener" grass.
Maybe you can send your dog on holiday to your mom's when you go on vacation next week!