Tuesday, August 3, 2010

Today's Humor

I've been getting used to my freedom since my nosy neighbors have been disappearing for days at a time and my Peeping Tom disappeared for a couple of weeks. I went back to showering with the window open, feeding the horses in my pajamas, and talking and singing silly songs to the horses.

So, I walked outside after coming home from the office, climbed under the fence and ran toward the horses with my arms spread wide saying, "Who's going to give me a big horsey hug?"

Lostine trotted toward me and wrapped her head over my shoulder while I wrapped my arms around her neck. Lostine -- can you believe it? This is my aloof mare who always used to run from me. I think she finally likes me now that I've been taking her out on the trails, showing her the real world.

It used to be Gabbrielle and Bombay pushing past each other to move in for a hug, but this time they both hung back to let Lostine get her hug first. I walked over to Bombay and said, "Bombay, are you eating poop? Stop that! That's gross."

Right then I heard a noise and looked up to see my nosy neighbor standing on the other side of the fence just a few feet away from me pretending to walk her dog. This was total B.S., because in all the years she's lived next door she has never walked her dog on her own property. If I'm in my barn, she makes a bee-line from her door straight to the back of my barn. If I'm in my driveway or on my front lawn, she walks the dog back and forth in front of my house a dozen times between the two ends of my driveway so she can keep an eye on what I'm doing. If I'm walking out the the mailboxes, she either grabs her dog and runs up the street after me all the way to the mailboxes or she gets in her car and races up the street and sits in her car staring at me while I get my mail. This time I was in the back corner of my paddock close to her backyard, so she decided to walk her dog around toward her backyard on her own property. She's so obvious in her snooping.

Having had my love fest dampened by a wet blanket, I gave Bombay and Gabbrielle a quick hug each and then returned to the house. I told my husband what had happened, and he said, "You should have said, 'Bombay. Are you eating poop? Give me some'!"

That joke made my day. Then this morning I got in the shower and saw that the Peeping Tom was back. I slammed the window shut in his face. Last night I saw that they sell Whoopie Cushions at The Dollar Store. I think I'll pick up a couple of those and keep one clamped under each armpit when I'm getting ready for my shower. I'll blast off bathroom noises as soon as he shows up. If he keeps staring in my window, I'll ask him if he likes farts and offer to put one in a jar for him as a neighborly gift, so he can peep at it through the glass. That should make for one awkward situation.

Okay, I know that's totally wacky, but everything else I've tried to discourage this guy from loitering around my bathroom window hasn't worked. I have to be able to keep my bathroom window cracked open when I shower. Otherwise the steam builds up on the mirror and black mold builds up on the walls and ceiling. I'm not a an exhibitionist. I have my reasons for needing air, space, and privacy. However, if my neighbors can't keep their eyes and ears on their side of the property line, I'm going to have to get gross with them.


Reddunappy said...

Go for it NuzMuz LOL ROFL, cant wait to read your stories about it!!!

fernvalley01 said...

Too bad your peace has been lost , but go ahead and love on your horses anyway. And the whoopie cushions and canned fart idea might just work.

Breathe said...

You need mouse traps under that window. Or better yet, pepper spray.

Anna said...

Breath heavily while staring back. You know, that nasel-y sort of nerd way? Then, very slowly, take your finger, and start digging into your nose. If he is still standing there, say, "I LIKE TO EAT THEM BUT MY MOMMY SAYS I SHOULDN'T!"
I have done that before to a few guys who were staring at me in my car. LMFAO!

Anonymous said...

Sounds like a plan! Hey, might as well have some fun with it.

Lostine has seen some really scary things on the trail and you have become her rock. Congrats!

Laughing Orca Ranch said...

You said, "ask him if he likes farts and offer to put one in a jar for him as a neighborly gift, so he can peep at it through the glass."

ROFLMBO!! That just made my day!


ps I've got an idea....buy one of those male magaizines for women (or those gay guy ones....doesn't matter) and tape some of those pin-up photos on your bathroom window, facing out (of course)......

That'll give the pervert something to look at!


Laughing Orca Ranch said...

Oh! And I love how you and Lostine have boned.

I remember last year how you were saying that Bombay was your steady eddy trail horse. Now look at you guys!
Lostine made you work at earning and truly deserving her respect and devotion. :)