Wednesday, March 30, 2011

The Bears are Coming Out of Their Caves

And by that I mean my annoying neighbors.  Just the other day I was saying on another blog that I didn't know if it was because of our yucky weather or what, but I had been fortunate because I hadn't heard a peep out of my nosy neighbors in weeks.  I knew I was jinxing myself by saying that.

The day after Lostine's colic episode, I walked outside to clean the paddock and found Gabbrielle on her side moaning.  I told her to get up, but she tried to roll over instead.  She was going to get cast against the fence, so I clapped my hands and she just laid still.  I had to go get a halter and lead rope to get her up to remove her blanket and assess her condition.

It's more than mere coincidence when two horses colic within a day of one another.  There is one theory that drastic changes in weather bring on colic, and we went from snow last week to 60 degree days this week.  I haven't changed anything in their feeding routine, however with so many bears coming out of hibernation, who knows how many of them have been feeding my horses?  No, I still haven't ordered signs.  They were too expensive.  I'll have to find a piece of plywood and paint my message on it, I guess.  Either that or stand guard at my fence all day with a baseball bat.

Anyway, as soon as I came outside and found Gabbrielle on the ground, my nosy neighbor next door came out, opened his garage, pulled all of his tools out onto his driveway, and began sawing, drilling and hammering.  This is the neighbor on the opposite side of me from the compulsive remodeler who is paying someone to build another deck off her guest house next to my bathroom window, so I had construction noises in stereo.  (I think every time someone wants to use that new deck I'll have to come up with a case of bad gas.)

His nosy wife quickly followed him outside with dog in tow.  I could tell that she was trying to make a break for my barn, so that she could "hide" behind it while watching this drama unfold.  I glared at her, and she quickly spun in the opposite direction and pretended as if she was getting in her truck to drive off.  I looked away while I haltered Gabbrielle, and when I looked back, the woman was not in the truck.  I turned around, and found her not behind my barn, but at the corner of our properties, as close as she could get to my property without stepping on it.

She was staring at me, and when I caught her, she quickly looked down at her dog and pretended to be minding her own business.  I have never known anyone filled with so much pretense.  I think my neighbor would tip the scales in the Dishonesty Department right along with BG and WF in Mikael's stories.  This neighbor of mine is beyond deceitful.  She's sneaky and evil.  I can see that going to church every Sunday hasn't taught her anything.

I got Gabbrielle up, removed her blanket, and began walking her.  She staggered around like a toddler just learning to walk.  I groomed her while the woman next door looked on.  My private yard is her personal movie theater.  I'm just an actress put here for her entertainment.  I gave her another dirty look, and she took her dog into the house, only to come right back out again.  I looked at her, and she spun around as if she was going to get in her truck again.  She walked right up to the driver's side door and stood there looking through the window, only I knew she was really watching me in the reflection.  I know all of her stalking strategies by now.  The horses did something to distract me, and when I looked again, she was back at her post where our properties meet trying to maintain some sort of camouflage behind a bush.  I don't know what the heck she was doing other than being nosy and watching me, but I was about to start flinging monkey poo at her.

There's this scene in the movie MEAN GIRLS where Lindsey Lohan's character is thinking that teenagers milling about around a fountain in a shopping mall is reminiscent of wild animals around a water hole in Africa.  In her mind, all these teenagers start acting like wild animals, humping each other, big cats clawing at each other, and monkeys screaming at each other.  It is hilarious.  That scene came to my mind and I really had to restrain myself from breaking into a monkey character while this lady was spying on me.

All the horses were so desperate to get rid of their itchy shedding fur that they were crowding me, trying to get me to brush them instead of Gabbrielle.  I had to keep chasing them off, which I'm sure was great entertainment for the pathetic couple next door.  Each horse did eventually get its turn with the curry comb and by the time I was done, the paddock was littered with clumps of winter fuzz.  Gabbrielle perked up a lot after being walked and groomed, and she ate her next meal with a normal appetite, so we were fortunate again to avoid another serious complication.

I never cleaned the paddock because there were too many eyes on me.  Of course, as soon as I went in the house, the man put all his tools away and drove off while the woman retreated to her cave where she probably resorted to watching TV to pass the time since she couldn't watch me anymore.


frizzlesworld said...

I still say you should buy a blowhorn. :P

fernvalley01 said...

Yikes, That is worrisome, I hope that these episodes are over with the tummy troubles. MAybe get a water gun. You know the kinfd that you can spray a long ways, and if they complain just say you were desernsitizing horse to it , they were just too close and you hit them by accident?

Anonymous said...

haha!! flinging monkey poo!

I just found your blog, I am liking it already!

Setup a sprinkler by where she likes to stand & stalk you, & when she comes out, turn it on her. :)


Linda said...

That is odd--you have some very unusual neighbors where you are. Up here, people pretty much leave each other alone. This is not considered the most hospitable area, but I guess that has some benefits of its own.

achieve1dream said...

I'm glad Gabrielle is okay. :( So stressful having to deal with your stupid neighbors while taking care of your horse. I wish you could just move away from them. Then again it's probably like jobs. You leave one to get away from a horrible boss or coworker and there's one just like them at your next job. Ugh.

whirlwinddals said...

I like all the above comments.

I don't know how you do it--I think I would have moved by now. Why can't they just peek out their windows like we all do? :)

Laughing Orca Ranch said...

You have monkey poo on your property?


But seriously, that is a fabo idea to pass some fierce gas when the neighbors use that deck....maybe fill up on some spicy burritos and then let 'er rip!

I was also thinking frying fish on your patio next to the deck would be brilliant, too. *evil grin*

I'm glad that Gabbrielle and Lostine are ok, though.