Saturday, July 30, 2016

Another Houdini Maneuver

Yesterday, while on our way to the grocery store, I started experiencing cramping and burning in my gut.  I told my husband not to worry if I suddenly disappear.  I didn't think I could make it through an entire shopping trip.  While in the store, I began sweating profusely and feeling clammy.  I felt like a horse who was colicking and found myself spinning in circles with the strong desire to lie down in the middle of the supermarket aisle.

Right then, this elderly man on a scooter spotted me from way off in the distance and raced toward me calling out, "Oh, M'am!  Excuse me, M'am!"

I thought he was going to ask me if I was okay, but he asked me where the delicious crackers are that you can put sardines on.

Okay, I honestly don't know if he said sardines, because at that point I retreated into my own thoughts trying to figure out why he raced past several other people to specifically ask me.  I looked down to see how I was dressed, thinking that perhaps I looked like a supermarket employee, but that was not the case.  Then I looked at his face and realized by his expression and the way that he was looking at me, the man was trying to pick up on me.  I guess he likes freshly dyed blackish reddish purplish hair.

Within something like two seconds our aisle filled up and this man had six people pushing shopping carts lined up behind him waiting for him to move.  I know that the locals get very irritable in the summer heat, and after having to put up with masses of slow-moving tourists all winter, they are not willing to tolerate snowbird behavior in the summer months, so I had to get this guy moving as fast as possible.  But more importantly, I had to clear a path so that I could lie down on the floor without getting run over by a string of shopping carts.  I was dying inside, and this guy couldn't have picked a worse time to detain me.

I looked at the sign in the next aisle to see if it said CRACKERS on it, but it didn't.  Then the man behind him pointed in the opposite direction and said, "One over."

I repeated, "One over," and pointed in that direction, but I could see by the expression on scooter boy's face that he was either hard of hearing or he was trying to concoct some new task he needed my help with.  So, I started walking past him to end our conversation, and the man behind him started walking past him at the exact same time, smashing me into the shelves and knocking my purse off my shoulder with his cart.  Everyone else followed suit, punishing me repeatedly for even thinking about helping the guy.

I was hoping we'd get home quickly so that I could lie down, because now I was shaking from the pain, and of course, we got stuck behind a driver who took 30 seconds to turn out of the driveway onto the highway.  We were losing our chance to turn because he was moving so slowly, so my husband raced around the driver's vehicle to get into the far left lane of the highway, which is totally illegal, but it was exactly what the driver in front of us was doing, only at the rate of less than one mile per hour.  My husband got around him faster than he could reach the far left lane, so we won, and I suspect that the man had to clean his pants afterward.  I'm telling you, based on the number of tourists here, it feels like winter despite it hovering above 100 degrees F all month.

When we got home I lied down for a while until I looked out the window and saw Bombay swinging something around in his mouth.  I pulled out the binoculars and saw that it was a bicycle chain with the lock still attached.  I had to run out there before he injured himself swinging that lock around.  As I was rushing down to the barn, my gut was twisting in pain, but I tried to ignore it.  I took the chain away, figuring I had left it lying on the ground.

Just minutes after that, I looked out the window again to see Bombay out of his stall teasing Rock over the railing.  I ran out there, and this time I nearly fell to my knees twice when I got intense stabbing pains in my gut.  I remember thinking, "Oh hell.  Not good.  I'm going to have to go to the hospital, but first I've got to get that horse back in his stall."

His gate was wide open and his fly mask was lying on the ground with rips in it.  Just in a matter of a couple of minutes, he managed to break out of his stall and get Rock to rip his fly mask off his face.  But what was really baffling, was that he somehow unlocked the bicycle chain around his stall gate, and unlatched it.  I saw Gabbrielle standing by his gate, so I suspect he coached her on how to get the latch undone from the outside.

I grabbed the fly mask, and Bombay and Gabbrielle both knew I was mad.  They took off galloping across the paddock and continued running around like fools while I stood there pointing at the barn and yelling, "Get in your stalls!"

Bombay is hilarious when he is in trouble.  He pins both ears as far forward as they can go and pumps himself up super tall while running around with his neck and tail arched.  He looks so cute that it's hard not to break down laughing.  After a short time, they did give up and go into their stalls.  I locked everyone up tight and staggered back into the house to lie down.

I did slowly get better and eventually fell asleep.  One of the downsides of this medication that I am taking that allows me to walk is that it wrecks my stomach, and I am at risk of getting ulcers.  I don't know if that was what was going on, but time will tell.

We finally got rain last night along with violent winds, lightning and dust storms.  The television satellite gave out right when we were watching MadTV.  Bummer.  Then the internet went down, but we didn't lose our electricity.  We are supposed to get storms the rest of the week.


Cheryl Ann said...

I've been on a beta blocker now for over 12 years and it caused me a lot of stomach problems. Now I've learned if I do NOT drink any liquid at lunch, I'm usually okay, but otherwise I have to RUN to the bathroom about an hour after eating, which is hard to do with a classroom full of kids! Ugh. I'm glad I retired. The stomach upset is one side effect of my pills...I have to constantly think about where the nearest bathroom is...sigh...

Nuzzling Muzzles said...

Cheryl Ann - Yeah, I don't know how teachers do it. When I substituted, I often was only given five minutes every few hours to use the restroom, but if someone was in it or too many people were in line ahead of me, I had to hold it. I loved substituting in the kindergarten classes, though, specifically because they had tiny toilets in little closets right inside the classroom. My issue on the day of this post was just horrible pain. I thought I was going to collapse.