Thursday, March 23, 2017

Skyrim Silliness

Both of my geldings got over their tummy aches by supper, and they are kicking up their heels again.  However, with it being a rainy/muddy day, I thought I'd do a silly non-horsey post on a different subject all together.  In my downtime I like to play the video game called Skyrim.  I posted previously about the horses you can ride in the game.  Toward the end of my first play-through, I discovered that I could build a home, furnish it, hire a steward to take care of the place, marry a spouse, and adopt children.  I had quite a little happy family going there, which included a wife who met me at the door and always said in a loving, warm tone, "Welcome home, dear.  Is there anything I can do for you?"

On my second play-through of the game, I decided to build a home and furnish it right off the bat.  I assigned a steward to the home to take care of it while I was away fighting battles.  Then I found a couple of little boys to adopt.  When I returned to my home to see how the steward was faring with the boys, I found the boys running around unsupervised, and the house was a mess.  I was then handed a letter of inheritance by a courier.  Someone had murdered my steward, and he left what little coin he had to me.

So, off I went to find a spouse to care for the kids.  In my first game, I played a female cat character, and I accidentally agreed to marry a female elf, so I wound up in an unintentional same-sex marriage.  The lady was kind and good with the kids, so it worked out fine.  However, my goal for the second game was to marry the best looking guy with the nicest voice that I could find in all of Skyrim.  If a character has a voice or an attitude that rubs you the wrong way, it's tough dealing with them every time you go home.

The thing is that a lot of characters in Skyrim are already married, so you just have to wait until you have a conversation with someone who shows an interest in you before you can marry.  I ran around for hours talking to every man I found, and no one was interested in me.  I double checked that I was wearing the Amulet of Mara, which lets people know you are available, and I was.  Then I looked at my own character's face and realized that I wasn't exactly a prize.  I was an Orc, which is a boar-like creature with big lower teeth that look like tusks.

When a man finally showed an interest in me, he was twice my age and had an annoying voice.  He was also an inn keeper who I needed to stay an inn keeper so that he could continue to give me missions.  I denied any mutual interest.  I searched high and low for someone else and was about to give up when two miners showed an interest in me at the same time.  I agreed to marry an Orc like me, but as we were standing at the alter, his large, sharp teeth and red, glowing eyes were creeping me out, and I thought twice about going home to him every night.  I left him at the alter and went back for the other guy.  When I met the other guy, we were in a dark room.  Once we got outside into sunlight, I saw that he was covered in soot and blood.  Nope.  Not going to look at that dirty face for the rest of the game.  I moved on.

In the meantime, those kids were messing up my house more and more.  Items were scattered all over the floor.  I began getting really desperate for either a steward or a husband.  I decided to go to a location where there were a lot of strong, hunky Nordic men with deep voices.  I just kept talking to people until someone showed an interest in me.  The first guy to do so was a bum at a bar.  I wasn't keen on marrying an alcoholic, but he did kind of resemble my real-life husband in appearance, so I agreed to marry him.  Someone had to be home to take care of those kids and clean up the house, right?

Well, the first time I arrived home after our marriage ceremony, I expected my new husband to greet me at the door and for the kids to tell me that Daddy took them to the market and they had a great time, but the kids were still running around unsupervised, the house was still a mess, and my new husband was passed out in bed.  Ugh.  I had married someone who was useless.  I woke him up and asked that he make some food for me, and he basically said, "Shouldn't I be asking you to do that?"

So, I pulled out my laptop and searched the Internet to see if I could marry someone else.  I thought perhaps there was a divorcee or widow option, but unfortunately you have to reprogram the game to trick it into believing that you never used your one chance at marriage, which I can't do from the console I own.  I was stuck with the lazy, no good bum.  Technically, I could have gone back to an earlier save before I married him, but I would have lost a lot of other progress.

I left on a few more missions and returned home with a horse I had to go through hell and high water to get.  Right off the bat, my new horse took off to fight a bandit, and the bandit killed it.  Then the bandit notified me that her chief had kidnapped my new husband and was having her way with him!  I guess I'm supposed to go rescue him, but I'm not so sure I want to.  I'm thinking at this point I will just find another steward.  In the meantime, my adopted children are still shredding my beautiful home.

You gotta love game coders with a sense of humor.

4 comments:

Camryn said...

That made me dizzy lol

Linda said...

That is pretty cool! Are the other characters built into the program, or are they controlled by real people? Sorry you chose a bum! I would not go save him. In fact, I was going to suggest you find a way to kill him off...it is a game, after all.

Nuzzling Muzzles said...

Everything is programmed. What's interesting is that they use a small number of voice actors to play multiple characters, so it's fun trying to figure out which characters share the same voices.

Crystal said...

Haha sounds like a fun game and kinda like real life, can be hard to find a good husband