Thursday, August 10, 2017


My husband and I have been joking around about what we want written on our epitaphs.  He wants his tombstone to say, "Stop it.  Just stop it."

He says that a lot because today's society is so obnoxious and in your face about everything.

I've had a few sayings I want on my grave.  One is, "Don't even start.  I don't have time for this."

That one is especially funny because once I'm dead, I'll have eternity.

Another one is, "I couldn't have made that happen if I tried."

I have no doubt I will die from some freak accident, and it'll be something mundane that I've been trying to make happen for a while, but have failed miserably to do so.  It'll be like I spend twenty minutes trying to get this one horse turd onto my manure fork, but can't because it keeps rolling out or jumping and flying out, and then as soon as I give up, a horse will take off running and kick the turd up into my chest so hard that it stops my heart, and then the turd will land in the manure fork and stay there.  Ha ha!

"Seriously?" also sums up my life.

"Next!" is perfect too, because I never get a break from problems.

Just when Rock was recovering from his hoof abscess, Lostine came up lame.  She had a bad case of thrush, and I was almost out of thrush treatment.  I figured if she had thrush, so did all the other horses, so it was imperative that I get my hands on another bottle of the stuff.  But I didn't have time to go to the feed store, so I tried to quickly order some stuff online.  However, then I remembered that my manure fork broke, so I ordered two new fork heads.  I also remembered that I was out of Cowboy Magic, so I ordered a bottle of that.  I then remembered that I was short one tube of Ivermectin, so I added that to my cart.

Instinct was telling me that I was forgetting something, and that I should get two bottles of Cowboy Magic, but for whatever reason I did not heed those feelings.  I was driving around town taking care of errands and appointments when it hit me that I never ordered the thrush treatment, and that was the whole reason why I had gone online in the first place.  So, I raced over to the feed store to pick up a bottle, despite not having the time to do so, and I decided to pick up another bottle of Cowboy Magic while I was at it.

However, I stopped dead in my tracks to see that they only had the larger bottle and they wanted $50 for it!  The smaller bottle I had ordered online was only about $15 and it was at least half the size of the bigger bottle, so logic would tell us that the bigger bottle should cost about $30.  There was no way I was going to pay $50 just to get tangles out of my horses' manes.  I was standing there staring at the price in disbelief when two salesclerks asked if they could help me find something.  I said, "No.  You don't have it."

They looked puzzled, and I realized that was stupid response, because they could have it in a different location or in the warehouse, so I said, "I want the smaller, affordable bottle of Cowboy Magic.  Not the fifty dollar bottle."

One lady said, "Well, let me help you."  And she came over to look right where I was already looking.

I was about to protest, because I knew what I needed was not on that shelf.  The lady picked up the big bottle and started pushing on each end of it.  I said, "No, that's the fifty dollar bottle.  I don't want that."

She said, "I know.  I'm trying to shrink it for you."

Ha ha!  She got me.  Her joke diffused my general annoyance.  So, I just bought the thrush treatment, and kicked myself for not buying a second bottle of Cowboy Magic online.

I was relieved when the barn aisle finally started drying out after all the rain and flooding we had.  That meant I could wear normal shoes down to the barn instead of rain boots.  The next time I went to the barn, I found a dead rock squirrel floating in the 100 gallon tank, which of course was full of water.  After disposing of the squirrel, I had to bail out 100 gallons of water, clean the trough with bleach, and refill it.  I went back in the house for lunch and totally forgot about the water running.  I have that floater device that stops the water from flowing out the hose as soon as the trough is full, but I never use it, because it takes an extra 5 to 10 minutes to attach and detach it.  Before I knew it, the barn aisle was flooded again.

By evening, there was one small strip of the aisle that had dried up, and I figured I'd just walk there.  But when I drove up, Lostine made a beeline for the one dry strip of land and released her own flood onto it.  Gah!  I really don't like wearing those rain boots.  They have no support, so it's like walking around on rocks in bare feet, and they aren't the kind of rain boots that are roomy enough for me to wear shoes on the inside.  I decided to just wear my shoes and then wash them once they get too much mud on them.

In the meantime, yesterday I set up two appointments for today to get my hair done and get a pedicure.  I had found a place that would do both in one appointment, but then the hair stylist quit and moved to a different salon, so now I have to go to two different locations to get all that done.  I don't know what is up with this, but every time I have either a hair appointment or a pedicure set up, I always get sick on the days of my appointments and have to reschedule. I don't like doing that, because it's hard for the cosmetologists to fill that time slot on such short notice, so it's like I'm taking food out of the mouths of their babes.  This time was no different.  I woke up with an eye infection and sinus trouble, but I'm not canceling these appointments.  I'll put a patch over my eye if I have to.

I would love to get to a point where I can actually do what I plan to do each day without getting blocked by some unexpected problem.  I hear other people say, "I'm going to do such and such," and I'm like, "Are you really?'

But other people don't seem to have the same problems as I do.  Other people just say, "I'm going to the store," and they get in their vehicle and go.  With me, it's like, "I'm going to the store," and then on my way out the door I slip in a puddle of dog urine and injure myself.  I clean up the urine, only to step in a pile of dog poop.  I clean up the dog poop, only to have the phone ring.  I answer the phone, only to have someone knock on the door.  I answer the door, and it turns out to be a package delivery.  I open the package, only to discover that they sent the wrong item, so I have to get on the phone right away to correct it.  Then I look out the window and see a horse limping, so I have to get in my Mule and drive down the the barn to investigate.  After treating the horse injury, either my day is over and it's time to feed and clean up after all the animals, or I'm just too exhausted to go to the store.

If there's any advice I can give to the younger generations, it would be to take it easy in the pet ownership department.  You're not always going to have your health and the same level of energy throughout your life.  You have to take into consideration that you are going to slow down at some point, and what you were once able to do without giving a second thought may someday be very difficult to do under changing circumstances.  I didn't think about the fact that by the year 2017 I would have two super old and sick dogs, and two senior horses who can never be fed and exercised enough to get their ribs to stop showing, and I'd have to take care of them plus one younger dog and two younger horses while I'm handicapped by a variety and pains and illnesses.

Now I understand why so many people find new homes for their pets.  I'm not going to do that, but I understand.  People just get to a point where they can't continue to take care of them.  I could pull this off if everyone pooped less or cleaned up after themselves.  I'm racing to get all my appointments handled this week because once Midge has her surgery, I'm going to have to be catering to her every minute of the day.  As is, I can't leave the house for more than an hour because of all these bathroom breaks that the dogs require and all the medications I have to administer throughout the day at specific times.  Post-op recovery can be ten times more time consuming.


Grey Horse Matters said...

I like both of your epitpahs. Have no idea what I'd put on mine but I'm thinking bout it now...

I'm sure you'll feel much better after your hair no pedicure appointments as long as you font step in a pike of poop in bare feet.

Mrs Shoes said...

My BIL says this so often that his current wife says she'll have it put on his tombstone... "I could really go for some ice cream about now"

Nuzzling Muzzles said...

Wow. I was much sicker than I realized. Right before I left for my pedicure, I had a coughing attack and said, "What is wrong with me?" I looked in the mirror and my face was lobster red with sweat pouring down it. I said, "Oh crap. I'm sick." I took my temperature and it was 100, but the pedicure appointment was in 20 minutes. I didn't think the lady would believe me if I called and told her that I just found out that I'm sick. Since I'd be cancelling at the last minute, she'd think it was just inconvenient for me to keep my appointment. So, I went since I doubted she could catch whatever I had by painting my toenails. During the hour and a half pedicure, I was trying to keep myself from puking. The lady kept asking me if I was too hot and if I needed something to drink, so I must have looked bad. I got home and shivered violently for two hours and then puked. I wasn't able to keep my medications down, so now those health issues that were kept under control by medications are back. This year's flu virus sucks. Get your flu shot now.